Writer's Block
by scarlett-hued-shimako
Summary: Poor Sei. She's having writer's block, but thankfully, her petite soeur is there to help her through her rut.


**Author's Notes: It's been awhile hasn't it? I'm glad to be back, and since summer's here and I've finally graduated from high school, I will hopefully write more over the summer. This story came to mind because a) I was having writer's block and b) I was watching the diner scene in **_**500 Days of Summer.**_** Hope you enjoy! **

**And as always, Read and Review!**

**Writer's Block**

Heartbroken that tragic winter of two years ago, Sei immersed herself in literature in order to find some sort of solace from the pain. She encounter characters who, like herself, experienced heartache due to unruly obstacles in the glory that is love, and while a sort of kinsman-ship was developed between these characters and Sei, she couldn't stop herself from being the tiniest bit jealous because, unlike herself, they got their happy endings.

In her readings, Sei came across a quote: "The best way to get over a woman is to make her into literature." And while the pain ridden side of her scoffed at the thought, that this simplistic advice could even come close to eliminating the scar Shiori had left behind, the more rational side thought it was worth a shot, anything to salvage some sort of sanity from the bitterness and loneliness.

She began with scribbling down her thoughts, usually during the night when thoughts of _her _prevented Sei from a restful night's sleep. Thoughts about school, about her Onee-sama, about her parents were all scribbled down, even though what she desperately wanted to write about was Shiori. Baby steps first she told herself.

Eventually, Sei gathered the courage to began her next session of writing with penning down Shiori. That's when the letters began. Each one address to Kubo Shiori and each one alternating between rueful yearning and resentful accusations. Those letters only saw freedom for the night before being locked away in Sei's desk drawer, never to be given a second thought.

While writing was a consent torture, forcing Sei to experience the bittersweet memories, the betrayal, and the heartache in perfect clarity, she found it comforting as masochistic as it be.

After she finished her last letter to Shiori and not having anything else to say, Sei went back to bed, believing the worst was over. But as Sei closed her eyes and Shiori and her angelic smile came to mind and the pain that erupted in her chest was as potent as before, Sei found herself sitting back at her desk, staring at the candle light flickering against the shadows in her room.

She still couldn't sleep.

Her eyes landed on the corner of her desk, finding the haplessly discarded "The Scarlet Letter" staring at her.

Sei smiled. Maybe she could try her hand at fiction.

She began her stories, like most authors do, with the beginning. The beginning of her relationship with Shiori. From that tranquil spring morning in the church where Sei's faith in angels began all the way to that bitter winter night at the train station where Sei's faith in love began to wither away, Sei wrote it all down, hoping that through her meticulous plunge into all that pain, she could find not only a reason for Shiori's departure but also some closure.

Soon, the characters were not referred to as "I" and "Shiori" but as "Mai" and "Keiko" or "Takumi" and "Ian," and the setting was no longer the gardens of Lillian but the streets of Kabul or the farmlands of Peru. But what remained was the pain and the lack of a happy ending. Sei didn't want her characters to end up as miserable as she was, but she only wrote what she knew and all she knew was pain.

The midnight writings were therapeutic for Sei, and soon the callous indifference she held both for her classmates and for life faded away, leaving behind a surprisingly amiable and charismatic Sei. A Sei who appeared healed.

But Sei was never completely healed from Shiori as the pang in her heart everytime she passed by the church could attest to. But she was happier. She had an aloof petite soeur who understood her need to be distant and an adorable pigtailed headed girl who squealed like a baby dinosaur and of course two fellow roses who didn't know the meaning of boundaries when it came to their meddling. They, along with the rest of Lillian never saw the pain, at least they never gave any sort of indication that they did.

When graduation was drawing near and thoughts of the future were plaguing her mind, Sei came to the conclusion that she wanted to be a writer. Somewhere during her many hours of anguish-filled writings, she developed a soft spot for the craft.

When she arrived at Lillian University and her professor, an enigmatic middle-aged woman who reminded Sei a lot of Sachiko's mother, took a look at her work and complemented Sei on her raw talent, Sei believed she was well on her way to becoming a writer. However, after months of getting the same depressing stories, her professor notified Sei that a great writer didn't write just one type of story, no matter how many name and setting changes there were to it. Maybe, what Sei needed was to experience some happiness to break out of her rut.

But that would mean getting completely over Shiori, wouldn't it?

As Sei walked out of her Professor's office, she wasn't so sure she wanted to.

But in the end, she needed to.

While Sei would have loved to gain closure from Shiori herself, Sei knew that if Shiori wanted to be found, she would have given Sei some sign years ago. So Sei steeled herself. Her journey through purgatory was about to begin.

It took awhile, but after months of dealing with her emotions among other things, Sei was ready to say goodbye to Shiori, which she did so metaphorically by placing a white rose on the same spot the both of them sat during the rainstorm years ago. And Sei left that gazebo lighter than she had been in months.

But that's when the trouble truly began. When she sat in front of a piece of paper, she no longer found it something to be conquered, something that would be a temporary escape from herself, she found it intimating. No words would come to mind. All she could do was stare and wonder what the hell was wrong with her.

"Nothing is wrong with you." Her professor declared as she erased her chalkboard after class had ended.

Sei sat dumbfounded on top of her desk. "Then what is it?"

Her professor looked over her shoulder and smiled enigmatically. "You just need to experience life."

But what did she mean by experiencing life Sei wondered to the point that any other thought that entered her mind was shot down in order for this question to reign supreme.

Maybe her professor didn't really understand her troubles. Maybe all she needed was someone who understood her.

Shimako.

Of course! Sei could have smacked herself as she raced to her phone, neglecting to see the red numbers on her clock that glared 1:24 am. Shimako would understand her troubles, and maybe even give some advice.

The phone rang three times before a cordial yet sleepy voice greeted her. "Toudou residence."

Sei glanced at the clock. 1:26 am. Whoops.

"I'm sorry for calling you so late," Sei apologized as she ran her hand through her hair, "but I really need to talk to you."

"Onee-sama?" Shimako sounded more alert, the grogginess from earlier leaving her. "What's wrong?"

"It's something that needs to be said face to face. Can I pick you up?"

Sei waited as Shimako was no doubt thinking about the cons of going with her since Shimako would be technically sneaking out of her house and what dutiful daughter would do that? But when Shimako replied, she confidently answered.

"Yes Onee-sama."

Twenty minutes and a silent car ride later, both girls were sitting at a booth in a diner on the outskirt of Tokyo at Sei's suggestion.

"Onee-sama," Shimako said as she laid down her menu, tired of Sei's beating around the bush. "What is this all about?"

Sei looked away from her menu and looked at Shimako's worried expression, all of a sudden feeling guilty about dragging Shimako out of bed in the middle of the night in order to listen to her trivial troubles.

"I have writer's block." Sei blurted.

Sei waited for Shimako's reaction, and even though Shimako wasn't the type to blatantly tell Sei "you dragged me out of bed for this shit," Sei did expect to see a small amount of annoyance pass through Shimako's sapphire eyes. But there wasn't any. If anything, they grew more concerned.

"And why do you think that is?" Shimako gently asked.

Sei watched Shimako, and when the girl gave her a reassuring smile and reached to clasp her hand, Sei folded. Even though she didn't intend for it to happen, Sei rambled on to Shimako everything from Shiori to what her Professor said to her writer's block. When she finished, she looked at Shimako, and for the first time, hated how unreadable her expression was.

As Shimako opened her mouth and Sei eagerly leaned forward, the waitress came by to get their orders, unknowingly gaining a glare from Sei. After seeing her Onee-sama's aggravated expression, Shimako order for the both of them (pancakes), and as the waitress left, she could still feel two holes burning into her back.

When Sei returned her eyes to Shimako, an enigmatic smile formed on the younger girl's lips.

Sei began to worry.

Shimako quickly produced a pen from her purse and then took a few napkins from the napkin dispenser, which she then handed to a quizzical Sei.

"What's this for?" Sei raised an eyebrow as she reached for Shimako's offered napkins, not liking the nervousness beginning to gnaw at her stomach.

Shimako smiled in what Sei could only describe as being an attempt at a cheshire cat smile. "To write."

"I thought we've been over this." Sei groaned, not liking the idea, as she slump further into her seat.

Shimako reached over a squeezed Sei's hand until she had the older girl's attention. When she did, Shimako gave her a hesitant smile.

"Just trust me. Okay?"

Sei stared at the younger girl, and even though she wasn't going to like this exercise one bit, she would do it because Shimako never asked for anything. And if this one little thing was all she wanted, who was Sei to deny her that pleasure?

Sei sighed. "Okay."

Shimako joyfully smiled as she released Sei's hand."Your prompt is," Shimako put her finger to her chin, mimicking the ever cliche thinking pose. "An old man feeding ducks. And you only have fifteen minutes so I would start now."

Sei smirked at Shimako's challenging expression before starting, and while it felt uncomfortable and the words seemed to be phrases of awkward, Sei felt a twinge of pride when she handed Shimako her finished product.

As Shimako read it over, Sei sat with apprehension Whenever her professor read over her material, Sei sat indifferently as she waited for her professor's commentary, but somehow, Shimako changed that routine, and Sei wasn't a hundred percent sure why that was.

"Your professor is right." Sei looked at Shimako expectantly. "You do write depressing stories."

Sei shrugged, ignoring the fact that Shimako neglected to inform her if she thought the drabble was good or bad. "Well, at least I'm writing."

Shimako nodded in agreement before grabbing more napkins and handing them to Sei. "Your new prompt will be Eriko-sama's and Yamanobe-sama's wedding."

"What?" Sei shouted, earning the stares of the six other people in the whole diner. "Why the hell would I write about Deko-chin's wedding? Also, I think it's creepy writing fiction about people I know."

Shimako looked straight into Sei's grey eyes, pass all the barriers the older girl always had up, as she coolly replied. "But isn't that what you've been doing?"

Sei remained silent, a frown tugging at her lips before she began writing yet again. While the writing still felt awkward and she still felt piss at Shimako for making her write about Eriko of all people, she felt that there was a little process in her writing. When she finished, she was surprised to see pancakes in front of her.

"I was that engrossed, huh?" Sei observed as she handed Shimako her written napkins and reached for her fork and knife.

Sei poured syrup over her fluffy pancakes, wondering briefly about how unhealthy it was to eat pancakes at 2 am, but what was life if not taking a few risks? Besides, she needed a distraction as Shimako read over her work.

"This is different." Shimako stated once she finished, and Sei wasn't sure what she meant by that.

"Different good or different bad?"

Shimako picked up her fork, taking a bite out of her pancake, savoring the suspense. She looked back at Sei and smiled approvingly.

"Different good. You actually wrote her a happy ending."

"Well, I couldn't very well give Eriko a depressing ending. If that were to happen, she would bitch to Youko and me nonstop, and I definitely couldn't handle that much whining."

Shimako hid her smile behind her tea cup, seeing through Sei's facade. Sei cared about Eriko, even though she would never admit it, and while Sei would never believe her, Shimako was sure Eriko felt the same way.

They ate their pancakes in silence, commenting on trivial topics like the news and the weather, until Shimako broke the casual atmosphere.

"So, when you write, are you taking the persona of that character or do you write with a person in mind?"

Sei thought for a moment before shrugging her shoulders.

"It's different with each thing I write, but I think I make my characters have my personality to a degree because I know how to write that, and like most writers, I get into my character's head, wondering if she or he would do this or that."

"But you didn't do that with this one about Eriko-sama." Shimako observed.

"Because I was writing about her, the person."

"And that's why you were able to give her a happy ending. Because she wasn't you." Shimako concluded.

Sei could only her stare at her for so long before looking down at her pancakes.

"I guess." Sei murmured.

Sei hated feeling this vulnerable, this easily read. She knew she wanted Shimako's help because the younger girl understood her better than anyone else, but this was not what she was expecting. This conversation was getting too deep too fast.

"Maybe," Shimako began hesitantly, knowing how uncomfortable Sei was feeling. "Now that you've moved on from Shiori-sama, you moved on from that depression as well, but now that you're out of the darkness, you don't know anything else, so have this urge to retreat to the darkness. But a part of you doesn't want that to happen, so you're in this limbo in your writing. You can't really write about the depression again but you also can't write about happiness."

"So what do I do?"

Shimako smiled enigmatically as she took another sip of tea. "Experience life."

Sei glared at the brunette, knowing without a doubt that Shimako was only using that phrase to aggravate her. How can no one but herself see the fact that when she wants to, Shimako can tease people as well as Sei herself?

"And what the hell is that suppose to mean oh wise one?" Sei sardonically asked.

"Well," Shimako began, setting her napkin on her plate before looking at Sei. "For starters, when was the last time you went on a date?"

Sei raised her eyebrow. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Happiness doesn't come to those who don't look for it." Shimako stated, ever the sage one.

"And dating will bring me happiness?" Sei replied skeptically.

"Not necessarily. But it can when you find the right person." Something passed through Shimako's eyes that Sei couldn't find the name for. "What I'm trying to say is that you need to go out and do something you don't normally do. Go on a hike or go sky diving. And maybe then you'll able to get some inspiration. Just get use to being in the light."

"I'll keep that in mind." Sei reached over and squeezed Shimako's hand. "Thanks Shimako."

Shimako smiled in return, and Sei thought it was most beautiful smile she's seen in awhile

At that point, the waitress came, ruining the moment, and removed the girls' empty plates, after handing Sei the check. Even though Shimako protested profusely, Sei paid for the meal, including a generous tip for her rudeness from earlier under Shimako's direction.

The duo left the diner, and before long, both girls were standing at the bottom of the stairs leading to the Toudou shrine.

"Thanks for this Shimako. It really means a lot." Sei turned toward the younger girl and away from the star filled sky only to find Shimako looking at her with a twinkle in her eye.

"What's the point of a petitie soeur if she doesn't support her Onee-sama?"

Sei chuckled before both girls returned to the silence, but they continued to look at each other, as if looking at each other for the first time.

After a few moments, Shimako, feeling a bit self-conscious, turned to leave, but something entered her mind. Something that was so uncharacteristic of her, but as she thought about it more in those precious few seconds, she couldn't stop herself from proceeding with it.

She turned back around and stood on her tip toes and, with a courage she didn't know she possessed, gave Sei a kiss on the cheek as close to the lips as possible without actually touching the older girl's lips.

When Shimako pulled away, Sei stared at the younger girl, a swirl of emotions running rampant through out her body which was mirrored on Shimako's blushing face.

"Goodnight Sei."

And with that, Shimako climbed the stairs, not daring to look back at Sei. Maybe, after tonight, Sei would find what she needed. And if Shimako needed to push her in the right direction than so be it.

Sei touched the spot where Shimako had kissed with her fingertips. "Goodnight." She whispered as Shimako's figure retreated into the shadows of the looming trees.

When Shimako was out of view, Sei raced back to her car, adrenaline coursing through her body, and speed to her apartment. Thankfully it was close to four in the morning and the streets were empty. If not, dozens of pedestrians would have been ran over by now.

When she arrived at her apartment, she burst through her front door and sat at her desk. She began to write.

_There was a girl with questionable sanity. She agreed to be the petite seour of the most capricious and, unwillingly, popular girl at school. Not because she liked the older girl necessarily but because the older girl understood her in a way no one else did..._

Sei continued to write until the early dawn, pushing through the cramp developing in her wrist and ignoring the tiredness in her eyes. She hadn't felt this inspired in months. When she finished her story, she smiled, satisfied. Not only was she able to write something decent but also was able to give her characters a happy ending.

Maybe she could get her own happy ending too.

With Shimako.

FIN


End file.
